Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
