I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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