So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize