So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
