Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
