oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize