HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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