i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
