so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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