Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
