drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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