How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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