never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
