Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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