there's paper in my vomit.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
false alarm, still single
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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