She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
