he puts the penis in happiness.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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