I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
