I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
