Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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