I CAN MOONWALK!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize