you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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