You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i believe in u and ur pee
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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