i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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