The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
