I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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