all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
