i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
