The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
