EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
