i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's never too late to be topless.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I party with great urgency now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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