PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
