I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
