i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize