I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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