Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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