On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
