I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
