Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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