don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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