She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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