you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
