i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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