East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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