My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
