Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
