she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
