I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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