I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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