You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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