just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
