he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
