that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
