someone get that fucking seahorse.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
