She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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