what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
