I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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