he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
