its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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