When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
