he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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