She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
