I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
