You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize