you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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