im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
