I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
