She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
