Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
