Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize