Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
