Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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