The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize