i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
