you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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