Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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