sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
