i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
