shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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