There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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