Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
