There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize