Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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