butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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